Rugrats

Note: this post is not finished.

I work at a child care center. I hear those sighs of pity. Working in a child care center is really a great way to get exercise, especially if you work with 12- to 18-month-olds like I do. It's also a great way to get some free entertainment during the day, because if you don't have anyone over the age of four to talk to, you can just mock the children. They can't tell you're mocking them. They're not even two yet; they can't talk and they can't even completely understand English yet. They also have a very underdeveloped sense of humor, so if they see a smile, they think it's a good thing and they smile too.

You can really say anything you want to a one-year-old as long as you have the right facial expression and tone of voice. For example, "You're a stinky little girl, aren't you? You smell like poop and tuna!" and, "Look at your big head! I can't believe your mommy found a shirt that fits over it! You're going to have a hard time walking with that thing weighing you down!" when said with a huge smile and in an excited tone are real crowd-pleasers.

There is also fun to be had with books. Reading to a one-year-old is practically fruitless. If it's your idea, they're almost never interested. If it's their idea, they usually just want to sit in your lap, hold the book upside-down, point at one picture for five minutes while yelling out several nonsense syllables, before turning the rest of the pages as fast as they can and then throwing the book across the room.